It Was a Football Season Full of Folly, Failure and Many, Many Fumbles

Lowlights, dark nights and bizarre sights of football, 1985, as culled from the Dead Season Scrolls:

THE COLLEGES

--The Four Horsemen couldn’t make it here tonight, but . . . : A Honolulu television station ran a clip from the “The Three Stooges” in place of excerpts of Hawaii’s 15-24 loss to Pacific.

--TV Guide rated Illinois No. 1 in its preseason poll. (Yes, the Top 10 poll.)

--Missouri lost to Cal despite the fact that a self-proclaimed vampire named Vladimir (“508 years experience”) Tepes placed a curse on the Bears. An exotic dancer named Fonda Love also offered to visit a Missouri team practice as a good-luck charm but was turned down.

--Texas A&M;, leading 46-0, attempted an onside kick against TCU.

--Ron Zell Brewer, one of seven TCU football players suspended for taking payments from boosters, said later: “I was getting so much money that I thought the college level was pretty good. I felt like I might like to stay an extra year.”

--Jack Elway coached the winning team in the San Jose State-Stanford game for the fifth straight year, the first three with the former and the last two with the latter.

--After learning that the Big Ten representative in the Rose Bowl would again be staying in Industry Hills, the Huntington Sheraton Hotel in Pasadena shut down.

--Gerry Faust left Notre Dame to take over the head coaching job at Akron, where he avoided controversy for nearly a day.

--College Prep Division: A local television station declined to broadcast a playoff game involving Edison High of Huntington Beach after the school demanded payment in excess of the standard $100.

THE PROS

--Animal House meets the Supreme Court: Raucous Redskins back John Riggins urged U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor “to loosen up, Sandy baby,” then fell asleep on the floor and snored through a speech by Vice President George Bush at a formal Washington banquet.

--An early indication that the defending Super Bowl champs would have problems: The 49ers’ 1985 press guide referred to the “vastly futile mind” of Coach Bill Walsh. Later, a spokesman claimed the adjective was supposed to be “fertile.”

--Defying tradition, Buffalo (2-14) edged out Tampa Bay (2-14) to silence doubters who’d wondered whether Bills could repeat as Bottom Ten pro champions.

--Former Bear punter Dave Finzer was set to sign with the Redskins but changed his mind when the club asked him to handle kickoffs, too.

--As Washington quarterback Joe Theismann was being taken to the hospital with a broken leg, a paramedic absconded with his jersey.