If You Build It . . . He Will Gripe

Jeffrey Flanagan of the Kansas City Star on some of the worst ballparks in the major leagues:

“Kingdome, Seattle: Perhaps the gloomiest, coldest place on earth. Nuke it, now.

“Shea Stadium, New York: Noisy (jets overhead), smelly, dirty. You really have to love the game to show up there.

“Veterans Stadium, Philadelphia: Lots of concrete and artificial turf and obnoxious fans.”

Trivia time: Who are the only players to win the Masters tournament in consecutive years?

Out of bounds: With Tiger Woods playing in the Masters, it recalls the first time golfer Sandy Lyle was asked what he thought of Tiger Woods.

He replied: “I don’t know. I’ve never played there.”

Conservative: When author Bud Shrake suggested to Harvey Penick, the late, great golf teacher, that they collaborate on a book, Penick was skeptical.

Later, Shrake called to say: “Good news! They say they’ll publish it! Seventy-five thousand dollars!”

Penick looked worried. “I don’t think I can afford to pay that much,” he said.

Ugh!Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers on playing in Madison Square Garden: “You come in and smell the elephants and the horses and the tigers. You see rats running around and cats chasing them. Just a great atmosphere.”

Academy Awards: All-time top 10 baseball movies, as chosen by editors of The Sporting News: 1. “Field of Dreams.” 2. “Bull Durham.” 3. “The Natural.” 4. “Pride of the Yankees.” 5. “Eight Men Out.” 6. “Major League.” 7. “A League of Their Own.” 8. “It Happens Every Spring.” 9. “The Stratton Story.” 10. “Bang the Drum Slowly.”

Comment from Times columnist Mike Downey: “What, no Bill Bendix?”

Advice: From David Letterman: “The No. 1 way the Mets can improve this year: Keep the replacements.”

Sell them: Art Modell, owner of the Cleveland Browns, after signing Andre Rison to a $17-million contract: “We went the extra mile. All that’s left is my wife’s furs.”

Prediction: Tom Weir in USA Today: “For those who have a lingering curiosity about what kind of product replacement ball would provide, you might find out. After this layoff, it might be at least a month before the regulars are any better.”

No peaking: Laker Coach Del Harris: “I love it when people say of a coach: ‘His team peaked too soon.’ What are we supposed to do--lose a few games on purpose so we can peak later?”

Misfiring: The Good Doctor in Inside Sports:

“Q: People in the nation’s capital want to rename the Washington Bullets. What do they want to call them?

“A: The Washington Blanks.”

Junior partners: From last week’s Arena Football League transactions: “The Miami Hooters traded lineman Junior Li to the St. Louis Stampede for linebacker Junior Tagaloa.”

Trivia answer: Jack Nicklaus in 1965-66, and Nick Faldo in 1989-90.

Quotebook: Frank Hannigan, former U.S. Golf Assn. president and ABC television commentator, on Gary McCord: “(He) is not exactly the Edward R. Murrow of golf.”