Unintentionally Uninviting

Laura leads a teacher’s workshop in conflict resolution. She discusses active listening skills and selects two teachers to role play what she has just described. Cristina, a Mexican teacher, portrays a person with a grievance. Thanha, a Vietnamese teacher takes the part of an active listener and sits attentively with her arms folded in front of her chest as she hears Cristina’s complaint. Afterwards Thanha is astounded when Cristina accuses her of being defensive.

What went wrong?

When a person holds their arms in front of their chests, most people, like Cristina, interpret this as a sign of resistance. However, this is not a universal interpretation. In her Vietnamese childhood, Thanha had been taught that when someone is talking, she must fold her arms against her body and demonstrate complete attention by displaying inactive hands. In addition, when someone is speaking, Vietnamese listeners must cast their eyes downward as a sign of respect.

Thanha had lived in the U.S. more than 20 years and had learned to look speakers directly in the eye to avoid being thought of as disrespectful or dishonest. She explained that before this incident she had never considered that her traditional arm and hand positions might be interpreted negatively, too.

All the workshop participants, including the teacher, were surprised by this information that dramatically delineated the complexities of cross-cultural communication.

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Norine Dresser is the author of “Multicultural Manners” (Wiley, 1996). Contact her through Voices or by e-mail at <[email protected]>.