O.C. Isn’t Perfect, but Just About As Good As It Gets

In a way, you have to admire people who aren’t afraid to use superlatives.

Rush Limbaugh, of TV and radio fame, touting himself as the head of the “Excellence in Broadcasting” network. Radio’s Don Imus announcing at the end of his program that “the revenue-generating portion” of this station’s day is now over. Disneyland calling itself “The Happiest Place on Earth.” The Ducks on ice have to be “Mighty.”

Now we have the local tourism council unveiling its new advertising campaign theme: Orange County as the “Perfect California.”

Uh, OK.

Its fancy new logo depicts the sun, a palm tree and an ocean wave. I confess I looked at the logo quite awhile and didn’t see any of those things. Business reporter Marla Dickerson had to point them all out to me. (It produces much better in black-and-white than it does in the brochure, which has them all green.)

This week, when I saw the majestic snow-topped San Gabriel Mountains, that seemed about as perfect as anything I’d seen in my years here. But to say Orange County is the “Perfect California” seems to me a bit much for anyone to swallow.

Even John Denver qualified his love of West Virginia’s Blue Ridge Mountains by writing “Almost heaven.” Describing Orange County as “Almost Perfect” would have made me more comfortable. But then: a) I’m not in the tourism business, and b) we’re not talking about brain surgery here.

At least these folks recognize that attracting tourists is important to our economy. Maybe we shouldn’t quibble over a few words.

I happen to live near Disneyland and the talk you hear in the restaurants is tourist talk--whether you can pack a trip to Universal Studios into the same day as a visit to the beach, for example.

The other morning I had breakfast at Knott’s Berry Farm’s famous chicken-dinner restaurant. I didn’t hear anyone there talking about the county’s recent bankruptcy, or the controversy over the proposed airport at El Toro.

Truth is, our population jumped nearly 1 million here in Orange County over the past couple of decades because a lot of people thought this place had a lot to offer: the sun, the beach, the mountains, the arts, major colleges, and for many people, diversity.

Still, I’m always leery of anyone who bandies around terms like “perfect.” When I was in the Army, I was assigned to write a recommendation for a bronze star for our battalion executive officer. At his request.

“The major has exhibited outstanding leadership in his short tenure here,” I wrote. The major came storming out of his office: “Hicks, I thought you were supposed to be a writer?”

His edited version said something like: “The major’s superb skills in command and his courageous, resourceful performance of duty in the face of enemy fire has been unparalleled in his battalion and a true inspiration his men will never forget.”

Geez, he’d only been in Vietnam a couple of months.

Mystical Moment: The Orange County Tourism Council received five songs for consideration for its campaign theme. Don Hull of Costa Mesa went to so much trouble for his written piece--he hired a singer, a keyboard-synthesizer player and leased a recording studio--I thought he deserved a mention for his “Mystical Magical Orange County, Cal.”

“Touched by the ocean, kissed by the sun, cradled by mountains, where meadow larks run” . . . “Mystical, magical, tropical, Orange County, Cal. Mystical, magical, miracle, Orange County, Cal.”

I suppose you need to hear it to music to appreciate it.

Disaster for a Day: Who among us wouldn’t be willing to pay the cost of a full day of disaster relief, if we could afford it? The Orange County chapter of the American Red Cross is offering us the chance.

It spends an average of $2,570 a day to provide disaster relief services within our county. That covers direct assistance to victims of fires or flooding and other disasters, but also the cost of training and recruiting its volunteers. Now it’s offering companies (or, I assume, rich individuals), a chance to “adopt” a day of disaster relief costs. It’s already signed up 11; you’ve only got 354 chances left.

A Look Back: The reason the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. got involved with the 1968 Memphis garbage workers strike was, in part, as a favor to a longtime friend, the Rev. James Lawson, who organized the protest. It was on the eve of a second march there that the great civil rights leader was assassinated.

Lawson, now a minister in Los Angeles, will speak about his good friend Dr. King at services at the Shepherd of the Hills United Methodist Church in Mission Viejo on Sunday evening, and again at Saddleback College in Mission Viejo on Monday evening. Monday is the official recognition of Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday.

Wrap-Up: Speaking of superlatives, I just couldn’t get excited about the criticism of some guests of the “Happiest Place on Earth” as they puttered around in those little boats through Disneyland’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride.

When the ride reopens in March, the pirate characters who were chasing lady characters with love (or more) in their hearts will be given a politically correct update.

One of my editors brought me a copy of a column about it by Emily Sheffield of London’s daily Guardian newspaper. “Disneyland’s lusty, wenching pirates are being forced to become New Men, sensitive to a woman’s needs,” she writes. “The mechanical swash-bucklers will be wooing women with gifts of food instead of chasing them around the deck.”

It made my day when I was shown this column. Not because of the Disneyland brouhaha, but because it gave me a chance to see what else was on the minds of the British elite these days.

Sheffield also writes: “Finally, a major landmark in the battle for equality: Oxford PhD Christine Wiggins has become the first female chairman of the English Tiddlywinks Assn.”

How long has it been since you’ve played a good game of tiddlywinks? Don’t think this is just some political appointment. Wiggins happens to rank 30th in the world at tiddlywinks.

Almost perfect.

Jerry Hicks’ column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Readers may reach Hicks by calling the Times Orange County Edition at (714) 966-7823 or by fax to (714) 966-7711, or e-mail to [email protected]