CHRIS DUFRESNE’S TOP 25

1. Ohio State 2-0 . . . We have nothing (Michigan) to fear (Michigan) but fear (Michigan) itself.

2. Florida 2-0 . . . NFL denies Spurrier’s request to play Colts instead of Tennessee this week.

3. Nebraska 3-0 . . . Surgeon general warning: Cornhuskers getting five starters back for Washington next week.

4. UCLA 1-0 . . . Recent poll ranks McNown as the best fastball-throwing “Lefty” since Grove.

5. Tennessee 1-0 . . . We have nothing (Florida) to fear (Florida) but fear (Florida) itself.

6. LSU 1-0 . . . True story: In ‘88, the LSU-Auburn crowd was so loud it registered on the campus seismograph.

7. Washington 1-0 . . . Gearing up for cloud-of-dust running school . . . Brigham Young?

8. Florida State 1-1 . . . Worst loss for Bowden since Southern Mississippi’s Brett Favre beat the Seminoles in ’89.

9. Penn State 2-0 . . . School hires Sears Tower window cleaners to squeegee Paterno’s tear-stained glasses.

10. Kansas State 2-0. . . . Ken Starr called in to investigate Wildcats’ schedule.

11. Syracuse 1-1 . . . In strange request, Donovan of “Mellow Yellow” fame asks to meet Orangemen quarterback McNabb.

12. Colorado 2-0 . . . OK, show of hands, L.A.: Who knew new Buffalo QB Mike Moschetti played at Mt. SAC?

13. Texas A&M; 1-1 . . . Star linebacker Dat Nguyen strongly rebuked for indiscriminate tackling of students in the commons.

14. Virginia 2-0 . . . Rankman always tries to pair the Virginias in polls whenever feasible.

15. West Virginia 0-1 . . . Woe is Rankman as Web pal Amos Zereoue fails to return e-mail message.

16. Wisconsin 2-0 . . . Does anyone realize how easily the Badgers could be 9-0 going to Ann Arbor on Nov. 14?

17. Georgia 2-0 . . . Wyoming? You guys are hosting Wyoming? What next, Gonzaga?

18. Arizona 2-0 . . . In wake of ASU collapse, school asks that Fiesta Bowl be moved to Tucson.

19. Oregon 2-0 . . . Guy in Eugene sitting atop flag pole until one of Oregon schools loses.

20. USC 2-0 . . . As Rankman types this, R. Jay Soward has scored twice in practice.

21. Central Florida 2-0 . . . Team from Orlando arrives in West Lafayette, wonders why there are no theme parks.

22. Notre Dame 1-1 . . . So which is the bigger roller-coaster ride, this school or the Dow Jones?

23. North Carolina State 2-0 . . . FSU win biggest shocker at school since Lorenzo Charles’ buzzer-beater.

24. Alabama 2-0 . . . Clothing stores in Tuscaloosa report sudden increase in sales of houndstooth hats.

25. Missouri 2-0 . . . Team spy reports No. 1 Ohio State practicing secret”Nebraska kick play.”