Chris Dufresne’s Top 25

1. Florida State (6-0): Warrick casts Heisman vote for himself at local Suzuki dealership.

2. Penn State (6-0): Paterno cuts off media access after hearing Walter Winchell was leaking info.

3. Nebraska (6-0): Osborne storms into locker room for impromptu pep talk; discovers team has a bye.

4. Michigan State (6-0): Saban orders players to read Dickens’ “Great Expectations.”

5. Florida (5-1): Shoot, Spurrier left for Auburn without his Terry Bowden jokes.

6. Tennessee (4-1): Volunteers resting up for “Scandal Week” vs. Alabama on Oct. 23.

7. Georgia Tech (4-1): Doug Flutie sends Joe Hamilton a pair of old cleats with lifts.

8. Virginia Tech (5-0): Dear Yogi: This is deja vu Kansas State all over again.

9. Michigan (5-1): Didn’t Rankman say Carr would mess up that quarterback rotation?

10. Kansas State (5-0): Last nonconference appetizer, Utah State, comes with a honey-mustard sauce.

11. Marshall (5-0): Missed Thursday night’s game to attend Pac-10 crisis council meeting.

12. Alabama (4-1): Rankman opens “Alexander for Heisman” West Coast bureau in El Monte.

13. Mississippi State (6-0): OK, someone explain how these guys miss Florida and Georgia.

14. Georgia (4-1): Uga, still seeing orange spots after trip to Knoxville, doubtful for Vandy game.

15. Texas A&M; (4-1): Scoreboard operator back on payroll after Aggies end 33-possession drought without a TD.

16. Texas (5-2): Will use bye week to stump for George W. Bush.

17. Syracuse (5-1): “Beat V. Tech! Hope you enjoy the chocolates.” Best regards, the Sugar Bowl.

18. Ohio State (4-2): Some calling Dr. Sigmund Cooper an ID-iot for this week’s Psych 101 ploys.

19. Wisconsin (4-2): Dayne needs to average three cheeseburgers a day to break Ricky Williams’ record.

20. Purdue (4-2): Drew, you’ll improve your Heisman hopes by throwing TD passes, not catching them.

21. Brigham Young (4-1): Thanks a lot, that win over Cal last week made the Pac-10 0-7 vs. ranked nonconference schools.

22. Mississippi (5-1): For this week’s Alabama game, refs will throw Confederate flags.

23. Southern Mississippi (3-2): Hmmm. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippis in this week’s poll?

24. Miami (2-3): First school with losing record in Rankman’s poll since Prairie View.

25. Pac-10: Final spot dedicated to memory of a once-great conference.