The Inside Track : MORNING BRIEFING : He Alternates Shots Against U.S. Ryder Cuppers

Derek Lawrenson of the Sunday Telegraph put it this way in his guide to the European Ryder Cup team:

“Take your pick of the two available cliches: They’re either lambs led to slaughter or boys who will return as men.”

Here’s the way Lawrenson sees some of the members of the U.S. team:

Mark O’Meara: “It was always inevitable that O’Meara’s ceaseless chasing of the almighty dollar around the world would catch up to him at some point, and it has done so with a vengeance this summer.”

Payne Stewart: “Has been mentally sitting in a deck chair on some secluded beach ever since winning the U.S. Open in June.”

Even captain Ben Crenshaw took a hit: “Lousy Ryder Cup record, which suggests he was too emotional for this kind of occasion. Will it prove a weakness too, with regard to captaincy?”

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Trivia time: Who is the only golfer with a minimum of three matches to never lose a point in the Ryder Cup?

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Strike three: Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Feller was doubtful--to put it mildly--when he learned of Kevin Costner’s claim to a Boston Globe movie critic that he had thrown 88 mph when he was warming up to shoot “For Love of the Game.”

“Anybody who believes that believes in the tooth fairy or Santa Claus,” Feller said. “There’s just one word for that: Horsemuffins.”

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Stayin’ alive: Bill Parcells insisted the New York Jets still have some life.

“People will try to make you believe the world is over,” he said. “It’s not.”

Said center Kevin Mawae: “Three weeks ago, we were Super Bowl contenders. Now, all of a sudden, we’re not going to win a game this season? I told the team, ‘We’ve been shot . . . but we’re not dead.’ ”

This was said, of course, before the loss to Buffalo in Week 2.

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Dog days: Florida Marlin Manager John Boles benched shortstop Alex Gonzalez after he did not run hard on a ground ball, for the second time this season.

“I think we have a better chance of winning with [Dave] Berg at shortstop right now,” Boles said. “I don’t believe in doghouses. But if I did, this one could house Marmaduke.”

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Unforced error: The Duchess of Kent reportedly is considering boycotting the Royal Box at Wimbledon because she was asked to restrict the number of guests, especially children, she invites into the Centre Court enclosure.

In what it described as a “grievous double fault,” the Daily Telegraph of London reported that the All England Club chairman, John Curry, sent a “curt letter” to the duchess informing her that children were unwelcome in the Royal Box.

Curry said he regretted “any unintentional hurt” to the duchess.

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Trivia answer: Jimmy Demaret, who was 6-0-0 in 1947, ’49 and ’51.

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And finally: Colorado Rocky Manager Jim Leyland, on outfielder Dante Bichette’s decision to try the shaved-head approach: “I’d consider it myself, but my ears are too big. I’d look like a cab whose doors are open.”