9 Reasons Why Bill Clinton Should Move to L.A.

1. Live Live Nude Nudes club, near LAX

Like many retirees, Clinton will have to make smart investments to stay ahead of inflation and he also has to keep Chelsea at Stanford. If he becomes a silent investor in this club, he can insist on adding a third “Nude!” to the name. “I can’t stand ambiguity,” he has remarked.

2. Fox TV Studios

Clinton’s first project could be to produce and star in “Party of Six,” a remake in which Neve Campbell’s character takes a “powerful shine” to a former chief executive. He’ll also pitch a reality-based special called “When Congressmen Attack.”

3. Museum of Tolerance

From the Balkans to the Middle East, Bill will probably miss contributing to world peace. He’s been global, now he can go local. In a series of summits at the museum, this new emissary of peace can broker accords between Valley secessionists and the rest of Los Angeles; Napster and Metallica; and downtown restaurants Philippe and Cole’s over which establishment is the true home of the original French dip sandwich.

4. The Pacific Palisades Think Tank

Clinton could establish a distinctly West Coast brain trust whose board of directors--Charlie Sheen, Kelsey Grammer, Dennis Rodman and Robert Downey Jr.--weighs in on such matters as which of the Ten Commandments to scratch.

5. Disneyland

To join its animatronic Abraham Lincoln attraction, the Magic Kingdom could open “Great Moments With Mr. Clinton,” featuring an anatomically correct animatronic president that has been programmed to actually feel the audience’s pain.

6. Presidential Library

L.A. Unified School District officials can offer Clinton a bargain on a site for his presidential library: Belmont Learning Center.

7. Barstow

Homesick for Arkansas? Barstow is just 120 miles away.

8. The Oscars

Clinton would be in line to host the event if Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Dennis Miller, a ton of other people, Tony Danza and Gary Coleman are unavailable.

9. Los Angeles

2,814 miles from Chappaqua, N.Y.