THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

Chris Dufresne’s Top 25 College Rankings and Comments:

1 OKLAHOMA

7-0 Sooners hoping they’re not the pace car in the BCS 500.

2 MIAMI

5-0 UM President Donna Shalala seeks cabinet-level position to oversee possible BCS shenanigans.

3 UCLA

6-0 My bad last week. Someone must have slipped in rival paper’s AP ballot by mistake.

4 TEXAS

6-1 Yet ... two out of eight BCS experts recommend flossing and Texas over UCLA in computers.

5 NEBRASKA

8-0 Congressman Tom Osborne rejects radio promotional offer to play Barry Switzer in finger football.

6 VIRGINIA TECH

6-0 New 2002 Hokie bandwagon seems to handle road smoothly and comes with cruise control.

7 WASHINGTON STATE

7-0 Let the record reflect that Rankman was not part of Pac-10 media poll that picked Cougars to finish last.

8 FLORIDA

5-1 No. 11 in BCS? Not sure Spurrier would acknowledge to being No. 11 at anything in his life.

9 WASHINGTON

5-1 Team votes to start every game trailing in the fourth quarter by a touchdown or two.

10 MICHIGAN

5-1 Lloyd Carr wakes up in a cold sweat realizing how his team lost that game to Washington.

11 STANFORD

4-1 Team’s “brains and brawn” approach draws on LBJ’s “guns and butter”’ theme of 1960s.

12 OREGON

6-1 Pieces of Joey Harrington’s Manhattan building billboard selling for 10 cents a paint chip.

13 TENNESSEE

4-1 Security tightened after team slips into BCS top 10 through Grand Old Opry back door.

14 MARYLAND

7-0 Ralph Friedgen proves to athletic directors you can win big with a “Ralph Kramden” look.

15 BRIGHAM YOUNG

7-0 Steve Young bets Marie Osmond a decaf the Cougars end up as nation’s only unbeaten team.

16 SOUTH CAROLINA

6-1 Holtz says he might be interested in returning to Notre Dame in some sort of “czar” role.

17 FRESNO STATE

6-1 Docked in some BCS computers for losing to school (Boise State) that plays on a blue field.

18 AUBURN

6-1 Where do you think these guys finish in the Pac-10, fifth or sixth place?

19 NORTH CAROLINA

5-3 Waitress wants to know if Clemson would like any Julius Peppers with that salad?

20 ILLINOIS

6-1 Informed by Red Grange relative these guys are playing some good pigskin.

21 GEORGIA

5-1 Ranking a quid pro quo for receiving UGA lithograph with autographed paw print.

22 GEORGIA TECH

5-2 School budget director announces it will not pay players extra for two overtime losses.

23 FLORIDA STATE

4-2 Has never before been a “bump” on the road in Maryland’s national title quest.

24 TEXAS A&M;

6-1 ESPN edits out segment this week in which Coach R.C. Slocum is caught singing Broadway show tunes in shower.

25 PENN STATE

(1970) Paterno switches to Power-I formation and wins big with QB John Hufnagel.