FIVE JOKES

Not only are television pundits always wrong when predicting presidential nominees, they are always wrong -- and it’s on tape! The only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it.

-- Jon Stewart,

“The Daily Show”

*

After all the media speculation about “Edith this” or “Hispanic that,” they chose a white guy. And not just any white guy. A reeaally white guy. John Roberts? That’s the fake name every under-

age kid busted with booze uses.

-- Ed Helms,

“The Daily Show”

*

Roberts is ... nicer than Scalia, more pleasant.

-- Susan

Estrich,

“The Daily Show”

Nicer than Scalia? Aren’t we all nicer than Scalia? That’s like saying he’s whiter than Clarence Thomas.

-- Stewart

*

Jude Law has broken up with his fiancee because he was sleeping with the family nanny. You know how his fiancee found out? Karl Rove.

Jay Leno

*

And you know about Karl Rove.... He’s trying to improve his image, and earlier today, he was jumping on Oprah’s couch.

-- David

Letterman